Mommy Wants Vodka

I am here today taking a few questions posed by Aunt Becky of mommy wants vodka. She is one of my favourite bloggers because not only does her writing make a girl want to wet herself from laughing but she reads and comments on so many other folks blogs it isn’t even human. Plus she adores Canucks and that is reason enough for me to deify her in my opinion. Ok on that note here are the answers to her questionnaire.

Open Your Whore Mouth.

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No I only like butterscotch sauce.

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why? weapons of mass destruction ; bullshit and chaos are the reason.

3) If you were a flavor, what would it be? popcorn

4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis? plucking chin hairs

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself) dordie

6) You’re stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they? 1. The Beatles 2. B.B. King, 3. Santana 4. Elton John 5. Ella Fitzgerald

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false? True

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self? Don’t worry about your tiny feet go-go boots won’t always be in fashion.

Is it just me or has the whole of female humanity just been a tiny bit more emotional lately. Me thinks there is a giant cloud of estrogen hovering over the North American continent. I can’t believe Nia Vardalos and Richard Dreyfuss actually made me weep the other night, but it’s true. I would make a lousy film critic right now because I gave it (My Life in Ruins) 5 blubbering thumbs up. Don’t even think about showing me one of those long distance telephone ads I would be a snotty mess. Men are running scared because one minute I’m crying the next I’m yelling. I may need to hone my crime scene cleanup skills. You’ll see me at the video store tonight weeping and walking up to the counter with the last copy of Sunshine Cleaning. I call it an educational film.
Hurry Aunt Becky I need to be pacified !


Most of the folks on Facebook are getting annoyed with all of the suggestions that the robots or drones over there are making. People that you might know because 14 of your friends know them, people who don’t have enough friends so I can help them find some? Since when did Facebook think I should be some sort of internet matchmaker. Haven’t they heard, Eharmony is doing a “fine job” of that without my suggestions.
What really gets to me is when they actually have the audacity to suggest to me that I reconnect with my husband. I hope they aren’t watching me on the webcam that we have here on the computer desk in my bedroom. Perhaps we aren’t getting it on quite enough. They would know THEY are watching.

Update: Now that I am mocking Faceboook about my sexual exploits they are putting ads for Tantric Sex workshops on my sidebar. Intersting and creepy all at once. Do you suppose Sting and Trudy will be the instructors. Hope there is no demo or hands on approach…

For those of you who have been following my odyssey of leaving the smokers world, you will be excited to know that a significant date has arrived. Ninety days have come and gone since I tossed the smokes away and said I am no longer interested in being a part of the obsession. I used the Allen Carr book which teaches a mindset approach to saying good-bye to this “former friend”. I can’t thank him enough really.
I am not bragging about this because I honestly know how hard it can be for folks to get to this place. I could have some sort of setback that would cause me to take it up again. (No thanks necessary to my ex-husband)
I live day to day and look at each decision NOT to light up as a success. Now if only I was as successful at keeping the weight off. I have to admit my waistline has taken a bit of a bashing from the experience, however I am not going to let this deter me in my celebrating at the present time. Besides, the two empty socks that formerly hung from my chest have now been reinflated and are looking mighty spectacular. It’s a trade off that I am counting as a plus for now.
Do keep at it if you are joining the battle and drop a line if you need some encouragement. I am full of optimism and sparkly new boobs.

They shall not grow old as we who are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them.

In case both of you were wondering what on earth happened to me since I embarked on my journey to visit my family of origin, (as opposed to the one I created). I experienced many lovely peaceful moments with mom and brothers, some reflecting on love and life and a few trips around town to see what had become of the Toronto that I grew up in. Because I am not in my original environment regularly I have used the occasions when I am home to become somewhat reflective. Most of the time I just really don’t think about the life that I had there, which suits me just fine. Other times I relish seeing an old familiar face and that option really isn’t available. I don’t have the means to just jump on a plane any old time. Good and bad.
Additional thoughts on this may be forthcoming but I have been sick with THAT flu all week and my brain is a bit scattered.

I am jumping on a plane to go visit my family of origin for a few days so I may not be around here much, unless there are timezone issues and I am up late NOT sleeping.
As a virgo and a mom I always think that the whole household will fall to pieces in my absence. They are teenagers I’m sure they will survive and hopefully appreciate me a teeny bit more, for a while at least.

Since one of my only guilty pleasures in life is TV now that I don’t have the cancer sticks to fall back on I need a distraction. Lets face it if I drank beer to dull that non-smoky feeling I’d be a REALLY chubby drunk all the time. (not just on Twitter)

Since this is just a fantasty exercise let us begin with my first fave TV guy which is Anthony Bourdain. He is completely funny and irreverent, age appropriate and also one of my smoking quitting heros. His No Reservations twitter people even retweeted my thanks out there to the universe.

Hubby #2 Would be Don Draper also known by his real life name of Jon Hamm but alas character is a smoker so he’s out. Cheaters never get to be in my fantasy.
From the AMC gang as well would be another yummy dad named Bryan Cranston . My reasons from above still apply. Age appropriate check, irreverent check bit of a bad boy ( well his character does make drugs and lets people who are in his path just die) I say he’s bonafide.
Hubby #3 After food and drugs comes brave and dangerous so in that category I will have to go with Mr Don Eppes of Numb3rs
He is aloof and sexy in a non needy way unlike another CBS man of the night known as Jake Weber of Medium. His character is a bit too doormat for me.

In short I need a fantasy guy who isn’t my son’s age (ew cougar breath) and a bit smart and edgy. I will continue my quest in weeks to come but do tell me who is your fantasy TV hubby and why.


What I said before

My best crap

what I been tweetin’

Aunt Becky’s Cruise, Yo